US-owned ManUre

As my cousin BK so proudly pointed out, my Magpies finished in 14th place last season, 11 spots lower than his "mighty" Manchester United. Well, Cuz, that's OK... at least my team is still rightfully owned by a Geordie, not some fat NFL tycoon who's only into the EPL for the money. I know, I know, I know - it's the Amercian Way. I just don't see how Glazer's £25mil transfer budget is going to help "Sir" Fergie. He hasn't spend that little on a single player in 3 seasons!!

(It's true, though, that I am less than positive about my team's chances this season. Our manager's hopeless, we've transferred 8 players out of an already too thin squad, and only brought in 4 to replace them, one a 17-year old goalkeeper! We've managed to get rid of the head-cases, trouble-makers and wasters (Bellamy, Robert and Butt, specfically), and continued to chase the biggest mental case in Europe - Nic Anelka - for most of the close season as our potential replacement for Big Alan Shearer, the greatest striker the Premiership has ever known. Thankfully, we lost that battle -- but we still haven't signed anyone to help ease Shearer's scoring burden. I've got my fingers crossed and my hopes up, but I don't see Al's final season as a player ending well for him.)